Lots of Platypi

Cerretscerretscerrets

2009-01-22T12:10:00.005-07:00

Welcome back to my blog, it has been awhile and I haven't posted anything for a month. I will return soon after this advertisement:

Is your pet boring? Is your pet mean? We have the pet for you!

The latest in genetic engineering brings you the cerret!

Half cat, half ferret, these critters may replace your cat, your dog, your hamster AND goldfish. They might replace your work, your play, your friends and family, your marriage, and your life. Heck, they're so charismatic even other things can't resist them!!

Order now and receive a special offer, buy six cerrets and get an extra hedgehog free!

Today at a 99% off clearance, you can get a cerret for $999.99. That is a steal of a deal if I ever saw one!!

The eve of the eve: The incredible cat

2008-12-23T11:47:00.002-07:00

I have not posted in a long time, because with all the work that needs to be done, I don't have any time to spare. My multiple spies have been fanning the globe for naughty children and wish lists, I have collected 10,000 wish lists over the year, roughly 35% of these lists come from myself, not only that, but 99.99999% of my wish lists span an entire roll of toilet paper times 2.

(Pssst,.... you chihuahuelf over there, stop staring in disbelief and keep working. Yes I DO live on a private island in summer, it's none of your business what I do in Alaska! Back to work!)

Nicky's nightmare: Santa Claws

2008-12-08T11:32:00.005-07:00

Hello...... I am Claws, feline ruler of the world. Santa Claus is now overthrown by my Antarctic kingdom, although my chihuahuelfs may disagree, I did take over the world this year, I just rode over to the other side of the world in my Sleigh/Boat/Airplane pulled by flying AND swimming magical penguins. I unsheathed my claws and bared my teeth, I threatened to slay him, I think it worked because when I woke up I was in Antarctica again. My success must be because I've populated Antarctica with many ambitious species: Cats, penguins, chihuahuas, ferrets, and other power-seeking creatures. Have you heard of the song, 'Six white boomers'? It's about how in Australia Santa has his sleigh pulled by kangaroos, the moral of it is that if you live in Australia you shouldn't wish for anything breakable. This brings up a new topic of Santa getting eaten by a crocodile, no one got presents this year? Blame that bloody crocodile. According to all those Santa Claus movies, the one who kills Santa becomes the new Santa, with this logic, one would assume that if Santa got eaten by a crocodile this year, that crocodile would be Santa Claus next year. How would a crocodile adapt to giving presents to the good little children every Christmas I have no idea, but there would definitely be changes. All the naughty children, instead of getting coal in their stockings would simply get eaten, A good child might get a toy that's half finished and covered in blood because the elf that made it got eaten before he could finish. A crocodile would have trouble developing the proper Santa Claus Physique, any reindeer that's too slow would get eaten on the go. The last problem is that if Steve Irwin was still alive he would trek up north and kill Santa Croc, therefore becoming Santa Claus. Steve Claus would do things like look at the Naughty list and say "Crikey! Thats a nasty one!" or "There's a little bugger", But then again, he might just love riding through Australia with his six white boomers. The next thing to get the title of Santa Claus would be the sting ray, and then Stinger Claus would be killed by a vengeful Steve Irwin fan, this is alright, because Stinger Claus was thinking of suicide already, he just HATES riding in a sleigh so much. Soon the sting ray fans kill the Steve Irwin fans, and then cops kill the sting ray fans, and then the north pole is invaded by martians and no one gets presents from Santa ever. (if Stinger Claus killed himself, then in effect he would still be Santa Claus, the only difference is that he's dead. Every Christmas you would get a present from the undead Stinger Claus)
Back to me, my ultimate goal is to kill Santa Claus and completely take over the world, I really hope that you're good because Santa Claws is coming to town!

Snow surfing: The story of Claws

2008-12-03T14:30:00.003-07:00

Hot chocolate rules!

Hey, is it December already? That's right, it is time for SANTA CLAWS!!!

Once upon a time, waaayyyyy up north, this guy had a big house and an entire toy factory fully employed with elfs hard at work making toys. There was a stable with flying reindeer and a semi truck sized sleigh. He had access to most of the resources and fossil fuels in the world and worked for a non-profit cause. He had a beautiful wife and the best of friends, among them was a tiny kitten named Boots. Boots had the amazing talent of hypnotizing elfs with his gaze, the guy and his wife soon saw the problem of this pet, almost instantly the non-hypnotized elfs revolted against this tyranny and many of them branched off and formed their own secret gangs.
The guy(Lets call him "Santa Claus") and his wife formed a plan: keep Boots away from anybody until he was fully grown, although the plan was lengthy, it would probably work.
Young Boots was enraged with his isolation and rampaged across the north pole, tearing up everything in his path(Nothing), soon one of the elf gangs found Boots and easily captured him.
The elfs brought back Boots and returned to the factory life they had formerly abandoned, now Boots found himself locked away in a barren room away from elfen contact, he spent his time plotting and scheming, thinking and sleeping. Twas now Christmas eve and Boots had a plan, He would leap from his perch and on Santa's van, Soon it was midnight, and Santa had a fright, for Boots had leaped onto his hair! Santa Claus jumped and swatted him down, and Boots down he fell, down down to the ground!!
While Boots was falling he was also thinking, Perhaps he should change his name, He couldn't rule the world with a name like Boots, something scary and imposing would do. Since he was falling from 10,000 feet in the air he had time to think of a really long name: Santa Sylvesterus Bootso Tabbien MakkerhellMincer Claws. Santa Claws as we must now call him, fell into a mud puddle in Florida, although the fall was great Claws managed to land on his feet and survive. Fortune favored him and soon Claws was at his destination, Antarctica, soon he will take over the world......................

When you don't clean your keyboard

2008-11-17T11:56:00.003-07:00

A little while ago when I was typing something on my keyboard when I heard a little voice saying, "Don't press the F key, I'm sitting there" it was then I discovered that I haven't cleaned my keyboard in awhile and the minuscule amounts of bacteria were mutating and evolving into intelligent life forms, I did that poor lonely creature a favor and pressed PH instead. However, the bacteria spread and soon were heavily populating my entire keyboard, I learned that each key on my keyboard had a full ecosystem, complete with mountain ranges, lakes, and valleys. every key had an intelligent race of microscopic aliens, small towns, great cities, farms full of crops and livestock. Here is where my problem starts, a single press of a key would cause me to destroy an entire world, so my solution to this problem is to dictate what all these wonderful beings do in exchange for me not killing them (ya ya ya, I know what your thinking, I am such a horrible tyrant, but I have no choice, okay?). This kind of typing is very slow and time consuming, I am quite sure it took me about five hours to type all of this.

"Fair citizens of key K, please jump!"
"Excellent aliens of key A, please jump!"
"Beautiful people of key T, please jump!"
"Amazingly intelligent folks of key I, please jump!"
"Inspiring race of key E, please jump!"

THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

Cut-up Chuck

2008-11-13T15:19:00.002-07:00

I once knew a buck named Chuck, you see, me and my dad went hunting for mule deer. Then this big guy came along and practically posed for the gun shot, as I write this Chuck is chopped up, packaged and sitting in the freezer ready to eat. When we first saw Chuck he was the biggest guy of the herd and probably the leader, which makes us question, was Chuck the buck a kind, generous leader or a villainous tyrant? Whatever the case, you can guarantee that as Chuck sits in the freezer, someone got promoted.

(sound of gunshot, another gunshot, Chuck falling to the ground)

Dave the Buck: Yes! Chucks dead! I get promoted!

(I think chuck will be tasty)

THIS VENISON STEAK IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

TV, Typos, and things that make me mad

2008-11-11T16:24:00.002-07:00

There is something about TV around here, not HERE mind you, but everywhere else on this planet. You see, I the writer of Lots of platypi do not have TV in my house, it is only when I go other places that I see TV. Many people hate commercials, and why not? they are annoying, tempting, and cheesy, however, I somewhat like TV ads. What other opportunity is there to go to the bathroom, jog 'round the block, make a batch of popcorn and still have enough time to cross your legs and meditate. On the other side, there are some commercials that have wit, style, and utter cuteness, if your ad for say, shampoo, features the whole planet talking about your product in an excited way you can guarantee that no one will buy your product, well, maybe they will; but whenever they see your lousy commercial they're going to rush to the bathroom and destroy that shampoo. Another thing to notice that totally awesome commercials don't show up as much as lousy ones, come ON people! The more a bad commercial is played the more bad it becomes! Come on folks, lets see who can find a awesome commercial with a persian cat chompin' on a big ol' catnip stogie first, on your marks, get set, GO!!!

Typos
Typos typos typos.......
What is it with these people, these days someone might be writing something and suddenly they screw up. "Oh my goodness! I got that wrong! Oh well, no one will notice, its just a typo". Yes my friends, this is a plague that is ruining the world wide web of the internet. Although today it may be more appropriate to say, "OMG! I Got Tat Rong! Oh WYL nO 1 wyl nOTIS IT JUST tYPO LOL :o". Yah, I'll give you a moment here, You've compared the two? Yes you, the guy in the blue hat what can you tell me about the second one? Yes that is right, the first one is easier to read, produces less shame, and although its not saying much, it makes you look more intelligent. We must work together people of the world to rid our planet of typos and lolspeak.

Introducing.........

2008-10-15T16:53:00.009-06:00

Welcome one and all to the great cellphone bash! Today we have the all new....

GerboPhone!

Pictured here we have the GerboPhone ToffeeFlip, The GerboPhone comes in two wonderful models that are exactly the same except they are different colors. Now we will show the one and only, GerboPhone MarshmallowSlide!

As you can see, it is exactly the same except that this one is grey,

The use of a Gerbophone is quite simple, you talk into the tail and listen from the nose, music can blare from the ears and if you look very carefully you can see YouTube videos in it's eyes, it comes with the wonderful ringtone that sounds like High-pitched distressed squeaking.

Better still, it Runs on sunflower seeds and cardboard!

You to can own a GerboPhone now! Just pick what model you want and your off!

$200 for both models.

This is no ordinary phone!

THIS AD IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

The extremely belated Talk like a pirate day

2008-10-03T20:01:00.003-06:00

Arrrrr, Welcome all ye scurvy dogs! This is the extremely belated talk Like a pirate day!
Since I completely missed the actual date of talk like a pirate day, I decided to make a post about it now! Today I will interview Cheesy-eyed Ryan the scourge!

Me: Well cheesy-eyed Ryan, How did you end up as a Pirate?

CHER: Well Me daddy Was a Pirate and I Just came and Took over His Ship.

Me: What was the Most dangerous thing You've Ever Fought?

CHER: A Few Tides ago I was Cooking Meself a Cheese Filled Hotdog.

Me: What?!

CHER: Well When Meself Was Eatin' it it Suddenly Squirted Some cheese up Me Eye!

Me: ........

CHER: I was Wavin' Me arms Around in Pain And I Forgot That I was still holdin' me rapier!

Me: Woah......

CHER: I also lost me leg that day and when all the commotion was done Me best matey was dead!

Me: ........

CHER: And once I squirted some cheese up me nose and thats why I have a wooden nose!

Me: Thats Crazy......

CHER: Whenever I sneeze all that comes out is some sawdust!

Me: Eeeep!

CHER: Sometimes I'll get a runny nose but then I realize its just the sap!

Me: Well it's about time, Gotta Go!

CHER: Do you ever pick your nose and get a splinter? happens to me all the time.

THIS CHEESE FILLED HOTDOG IS PLATYPIRATE APPROVED

In Charge of all that looks at him

2008-10-01T14:19:00.004-06:00

Yup, this is completely random

2008-09-19T11:14:00.004-06:00

Long ago,

in the purplegrass meadows,

Where the popplebushes squirted berry goo

A million sheepyaks sprang

Across the valleys,

Across the fields

And they all ate monkey poo

Long ago,

On the mountain Zeinkuufui

Where the Mighty black forest loomed

A thousand koigoats flew,

And they ate candied cherries,

Yup,

They were doomed

Long ago,

On the lone island Rinks

Where koalas sprinkled in sand

There lived A rare coughing lynx

He Coughed

and coughed

Till he coughed no more

Long ago,

In the town of Murfals

Everyone seemed to be called bob

Everyone had a hippo to ride

And they all ate purple bamboo

Though the world may seem squiggly

And plain downright wierd

Just remember the shoes on your feet,

Get up each morning and go brush your teeth,

Go and start bloggin' by nine

The echidna is yours

and the platypus is mine.

Yes, this is intelligable(sort of)

2008-09-16T11:30:00.003-06:00

News flash! Rumors of a strange person going about axing people for bananas!

Citizens beware! If you are walking home in the dark, with a bag full of bananas, You might get axed by a mysterious resident seeking bananas.

Victim of banana axer: I saw him! I was walking home at night as usual, bringing some bananas from the store. When suddenly this guy came up and started swnging an axe at my arm! The pain surged through my body, I was swimming in a sea of blood, and then he leaned over and stole all my bananas!

However, some victims were not so lucky, This week, three people had their heads chopped off just so the murderer could safely take the fruit. So please, if you are going out to the store to get bananas at night, use a car!

THIS NEWS FLASH IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

Yes, It really WAS based on a true story.

2008-09-11T16:00:00.002-06:00

Hello, Its been a really long time since I actually did a real blog post. And No, Thats not going to change anytime soon. I'm going to hand this post to my gerbil, marshmallow , How does my gerbil know about all of my blog? the answer is that he has a mini laptop in his cage where he can check on his owners work, here he comes now, Byebye.

Hello, My name is marshmallow, I am a gerbil. My brother toffee will not be appearing today because he does not want to be in public. Now, to answer your question, it WAS based on a true story, for those who were not around during the real life adventure(Me), All the events in the story are based on real life. Well, except for a few things, Madchen did not have a harpoon gun, the journey did not take a week, they didn't meet any Dancing purple river monkeys, The scum they saw was not orange, toxic, or corrosive, Doodoo didn't die, in fact, Uncky doodoo is really called Uncle trevor, Melissa wasn't that clumsy,and There wasn't any three hundred foot high waterfall. However, Krista DID get rocks up her bum, Uncle trevor DID harrass them, and we DID see a popcan floating in the seaweed. There, I explained it.

While katie was writing down the adventures of the sinky soothzy and posting down lots of animal pictures, She was also petting muskrats, Designing ferret houses, and generally Laughing out loud. If you want to meet someone highly tolerant of annoying things, meet Larry the muskrat, This remarkable rodent inhabits a floating dock, at a beach, in the lake, many days kids will jump on top of his roof, rocking the dock, and being extremely irritating. And worse still, when he is discovered, He is Mistaken for a porcupine(Larry hates porcupines), Chased all over his home, No less then a dozen children desperately try to evict him from his home,And yet he tolerates them, May we all look to larry for inspiration.

My goodness, thats a lot of writing for a desert rodent, maybe sometime toffee will write something down, hopefully....

THIS POST IS GERBIL APPROVED

This is based on a true story( part 3)

2008-09-09T10:52:00.005-06:00

The river Phylange flowed peacefully by a clump of cattails,
The sun shone high in the sky. A small boat, gashed and battered by the elements,
Floated by. Six purple faces peered out of the bushes, Silent and still, waiting..waiting...
Further down the river a sinister face snarled, Brandishing a carrot.
Today would be fatefull indeed...

The adventures of the Sinky Soothzy. Scene 1 of part 3: The sinister seven

Melissa: I'm hungry!

Duane: So am I!

Katie: At least you have two hands left!

Krista: At least your bum isn't bruised!

Madchen: Kris pintah!

(smacks krista on the bum)

Krista: Aoooww!!

Melissa: I'm also thirsty

Katie: You wan't something to drink? How about some of the that orange scum!

Duane: but that stuff is poisonous!

Krista: And corrosive

Melissa: You lost your hand!

Katie: I know, and guess what, Thats all we have to drink!!

Duane: Look at all that seaweed!

Krista: And that popcan in it

Melissa: Lots of scum

Katie: Orange scum

Duane: See that popcan floating in the river, See how it float?

Behold, For aluminum shall withstand the waters

Krista: Our battlecry should be POPCAN!!

Melissa: POPCAN!!

Katie: Monkeys!

Duane: No No, the warcry is POPCAN, Not monkeys, Oh look! Dancing purple river monkeys!

(Half a dozen Purple monkeys spring from the shadows)

Monkey 1: Haha!

Monkey 2: River disco!

Monkey 3: No! Polka!

Monkey 4: Phylangiver Philip the fourth, for the last time we are Not doing Polka!!

Monkey 3 who apparently is named philip: Sorry mom!

Monkey 5: Heeheehaa! Rock and RRoll!!

Monkey 6: Lets dance!

(All the monkeys start dancing in their own styles)

Katie: PopcanPopcanPopcan!!

Melissa: Harpoon them!

(Madchen takes out her harpoon gun and starts shooting the monkeys

Monkey 5: Gahhk!

Monkey 6: Kiuhgk!

Monkey 1: Ziap!

Monkey 2: Uij!

(four monkeys fall dead)

Monkey 4 also known as mom: Run philip!

Philip: You too mom!

(the two monkeys disappear as a large carrot zooms by)

Krista: Popcan!

Melissa: Oh No!

(A tall and menacing figure stands on top of a small boat, Holding a sharp carrot)

Mysterious figure: I am Uncky Doodoo, I will re-Waoow!

(purple monkey carcass hits him square on the chest, Knocking him off the boat)

Uncky Doodoo: Yaarrrr! You'll pay for that!!

(swims to shore)

Duane: Excellent work!

Krista: Why did you cut off the hand of that monkey before you tossed it at mister carrot?

Katie: I was hoping someone would be able to sew it on where I lost my original hand.

Melissa: Ooh! Mememe!

(starts Sewing the monkey hand on katies arm, With seaweed)

Melissa: There we go!

Katie: Wow, you are the best surgeon I have ever seen considering you aided in destroying Our food source, destroying our boat, and whacking krista's bum

Krista: You got that right

Katie: Look! I can even move my new hand!

Duane: I wonder what that doodoo guy was trying to say to us before he fell off?

Katie: I think he was about to say "I am here to reap pain upon you"

Melissa: Ya, lets go with that.

Madchen: Madkee!

Madchen!

The adventures of the Sinky Soothzy. Scene 2 of part 3: The great ending

Madchen: Ah!

Melissa: How long have we been on the river?

Katie: Days, Keep rowing

Duane: How many rapids Have we crossed?

Krista: (rubbing her sore bum) Many, Keep rowing

Madchen: Fadda!

Melissa: I hope we don't run into more trouble

Katie: Well melissa, most of the time the trouble is YOU!

Duane: I concur

Krista: (still rubbing her sore bum) Me too

Madchen: Kris Pintah!

Melissa: Look!

( everybody turns their head to see a bright orange boat coming right up to them)

Evil Pirate 1: Yahaaarrr!

Evil child pirate: (Starts singing)

Yoho Yoho An evil pirates life for Meeee!

Weeee are Eeevil Pirates Threeee

Sailing all Across the Seeeeaaaaa!

Yoho Yoho An evil pirates life for meeeeeee!!!

Duane: Hey! That pirate kind of looks like a rhinoceros!

Katie: Actually, She looks like a elephant

Evil Pirate 3: I am NOT an Elephant, I am NOT a rhinoceros, And I am NOT in a Musical!!!

(suddenly the sinky soothzy is stopped by a large stick sticking out from the side of the river, Saving them from a Three hundred foot high waterfall that the evil pirates plunge down, never to be seen again)

Melissa: Phew! that was Close!

Krista: I'll say!

Katie: I'll say we get out of this boat and carry it to the other side of the waterfall before the stick breaks!

Madchen: Yasss!

Duane: Everybody out!

(Everybody gets out, and helps carry the boat down to the other side of the waterfall)

Krista: (puts boat in the water) I wonder where that uncky doodoo guy is?

Katie: Aah! (ducks just in time because a banana boomerang whizzed by)

Duane Its Him!

Uncky doodoo: Ha! Tis I, Uncky doodoo! and once again I shall try and Re-Woah!

(madchen throws a flaming Cracker at him)

Uncky doodoo: Yaarr! Could you stop throwing things at me long enough so I can tell you what I'm going to do!?

Katie: Go away!

Uncky doodoo: Yaarr! ( he takes a Well sharpened carrot out of his pocket) Now I shall Sink yer Boat!

Krista: NOOOOO!!!!!

Madchen: Yar!

Duane: Harpoon Him! POPCAN!

Katie: POPCANPOPCANPOPCAN!

Melissa: POPCANPOPCANPOPCAN!( Swings her oar around to Splash Orange scum right on top of Uncky doodoo)

Uncky Doodoo: What!? Orange Scum!? NNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

(He slowly sinks to the bottom of the river, never to be seen again)

Krista: Good job Melissa!

Katie: Your a Hero!

Madchen: HerMolsa!

Duane: Hero Melissa!

Melissa!

Mom Monkey: Hello!!

Philip: Heylo!

Katie: We Killed Doodoo!

Mom Monkey: Why?

Krista: Because He was going to kill us all!

Mom Monkey: Ha! You Know, Just Last Week, Me and My son and all of my friends had decided to work for doodoo, He's quite strange, And likes to use fruits and vegetables as Weaponry. Four days ago, Doodoo spotted your boat floating by, He was quite scared! I mean, it looked like you would sink! And so we all banded together and form a plan.

Philip: Thats right!

Mom monkey: Doodoo's Plan was for us monkeys to go out distract you with a little dance, While he sneaked around and pierced your ship with a carrot, Then as your boat sank to the bottom of the river, he would come in and snatch you of to safety.

Philip: Unfortunately it didn't go so well,

Mom monkey: Right, when your captain harpooned most of us, we fled into the bushes, In fact, We saw all that happened at your boat! Although doodoo was disgusted by the dead monkey you threw at him, He had a kind heart and decided to try and rescue you again, but instead he got some corroding scum in the face.

Philip: Yup!

Melissa: So we killed a nice guy?

Mom monkey: Correct

Duane: Mrs. monkey, You look familiar.

Mom monkey: (Stares at duane for a few seconds, And then suddenly gasps) Duane the Dugong monkey! is that you!?

Duane: Mom!

(they both hug)

Mom monkey: Duaney!

Katie: So Duane, Who is your dad?

Duane: A high-ranking executive at a cracker factory.

Philip: Big Brother!

Melissa: Yayy!

Katie: Wooh!

Krista: Hahaaa!

(Everybody cheers)

Yahooooo!

The end

(By the way, The entire cast makes it to their destination of Blaggerpussland. Here, Duane starts a pillow making company, While his little brother philip starts a Stretchy underwear company. Krista likes to wear a pillow in her underwear to prevent rear end injuries. Katie has learned to play the piano and is known as "Purple hand Kate" Madchen gets elected as the mayor of Blaggerpussland and has instructed everybody to eat cinnamon flavored stars. Melissa has become a professional surgeon and when she's not doing brain transplants she's Practicing the fine art of extreme trampolining. Everyone is happy, Byebye)

THIS SERIES OF POSTS IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

This is based on a true story (part 2)

2008-09-02T16:57:00.005-06:00

Sunset, as the the sun slowly vanished over the horizon,
a river, tired and subdued, flowed quietly on.
Out of the mists came a boat, barely floating, dark and menacing,
The nefarious captain stared on at the sunless sky, searching for what secrets may be held there,
then, she turned her attention to the silent waters, and snarled, while holding her soother.

The adventures of the sinky soothzy. Scene 1 of part 2: The scum

Madchen: Fadda!

(long whip lashes Out)

Duane: Oww!

Madchen: Fadda! Fadda!

(whip lashes out again)

Melissa: Oww! Hey!

Krista: the faster we go, The faster We'll get food!

Katie: Sounds like motivation to me!

Duane: But I'm tired!!

Madchen: Fadda!

Krista: You heard her!

Melissa: Ooh.. I'm so hungry!

Katie: Are you sure? We all had our share of oxygen last night.

Duane: With flies

Madchen: Fadda!

Krista: Oooh Look, Bright orange Scum!

Duane: Yah! that would make perfect scumbeer!

Melissa: Scumbeer?

Duane: yah, My mom is a Dancing purple river Monkey

Katie: Interesting...

Duane: She used to give me a pop can full of it

Krista: Where do these dancing purple river monkeys Live?

Duane: In the phylange river

Melissa: Wait, thats this River!

Katie: You might get to see your Mom!!

Krista: So what are we going to do with the scum?

Melissa: Eat it

Katie: Nope, Not me!

Duane: well My mom said something about the orange scum but I can't remember what it was.

Krista: Not eat it?

Katie: Yup yup thats what she said!

Melissa: Let's not-Woops!

(Knocks katies hand into the orange scum)

Katie: My hand!

(pulls hand out only to reveal that it is not there)

Katie: Its gone!!!

Duane: Oh, I remember, the orange scum is highly Toxic and corroding

Krista: Bad bad bad....

The adventures of the sinky soothzy. Scene 2 of part 2: Pinata time

Duane: Hey look! a waterfall!

Krista: that's not a waterfall!

Katie: Its rapids!

Melissa: Maybe the bottom of our boat shouldn't have been made of cloth

Duane: I agree

Krista: I'm glad I'm not going to be sitting on the bottom!

Katie: Oh yes you are!

(knocks krista onto the bottom of the boat)

Melissa: Here we Go!

(they plunge down the rapids)

Krista: Ooh! Ow!

Duane: Woohoo!

Krista: Ah! Ooh!

Madchen: Wee!

Krista: Oooww! Ah!

( they finally make it over the rapids)

Melissa: That was fun!

Krista: That Hurt!

Duane: Oh, Don't worry, It'll Heal

Krista: Thanks, I-Ow!!

(melissa ACCIDENTILY hits Krista on the bum)

Melissa: Sorry!

Katie: Hahahahahahaaa!!!

( everybody starts laughing)

Hahahahahahahahahaaaahahahaaa!

Duane: (snickers) I dub thee, Krista Pinata!

Madchen: Kris pint ah!

(laughing)

Pinatahahahaaa!

Pinata!

Heehahahaaaheehaaa!

Pinata!

This is based on a true story

2008-08-25T10:53:00.009-06:00

It was a Dark night, and the veiled Blackness Laughed Rain upon a small Boat. Trying to keep from getting wet, five Dark shapes walked into the Boat, and as the rain Crawled to a stop, the sun peeked over the rain drenched horizon. It was now clear that the dark shapes were people, and the people, after giving a sigh of relief, pushed away from the shore and slowly bobbed down the river.

The adventures of the Sinky Soothzy. Scene 1: Loss of Waffles

Madchen: Goomonin!

Katie: Good morning!

Slightly purplish man That could be Duane: I'm hungry

Krista: I'm Hungry Too

Melissa: I'm hungry thre-Woops!

(knocks food supply off the boat with her oar)

(they all stare at the place where the food fell off)

Katie: I'm Hungry four

Duane: So what are we going to eat?

Krista: Air

Melissa: What kind of air?

Katie: Oxygen

Duane: Ooh! Can we have that with barbecue sauce?

Melissa: Mayonnaise

Krista: Would you Like flies with that?

Madchen: DaDaDaDaDa

Katie: Seaweed Salad sounds appealing

Duane: How about we have Madchens Food?

Krista: No!!

Melissa: I'm Hungry

The adventures of the sinky soothzy. Scene 2: The new captainship

Katie: So here we are, Trapped on this boat without any food, can anyone think of anything more that could go wrong?

Krista: Malaria

Duane: Waterfall

Melissa: I don't Kno-Woops!

(Oar tears a big Hole In the boat)

Melissa: Oh! I know, We'll Sink!

Katie: So Here we are, Trapped in a Leaky Boat Without food, Anything else thats wrong?

Krista: We don't have a captain.

Madchen: Mememememe!

Krista: Alright, we shall have Madchen as the captain.

Duane: Madchen the Magnificent!

Melissa: Madchen the Magnificent!

(Loud Chant)

Madchen!

Madchen: Mememememe!

Melissa: What are we going to name our boat?

Katie: Well..

Duane: Sinky

Madchen: Soothzy!

Krista: Sinky Soothzy!

Madchen!

To be continued....

eXtreme animal pictures 2

2008-08-18T13:54:00.012-06:00

"Sorry honey, I'm not sure this is gonna work out."

"Oh Come on... Just one more goodbye Kiss"

(Smooch)

Hahaa! I'm on top of the World! Hahaaa....ha.....ha......

Their first car, I'm so proud....Don't cry little critters...

Cuteness in pink

Babies in MultitudeSir, I do believe you need to spay your cat.

Will you be My valentine?

Why cats rule the world

I love My motorcycle

eXtreme Animal photos

2008-08-11T10:41:00.006-06:00

This little guy used to like milk....

Now he Likes Beer!

Cuties in a cup

Our Beverage selection tonight,

Feline wine
Canine Beer
Hamster a la Zinfadel

Triple shot Ferret Expresso
Rodent Mocha
Duckling Tea

Can you guess what these baby animals are?

Uuuuuummmmmmm.....................

2008-06-26T16:32:00.004-06:00

UUUUUUUUUUuum...............

heres a funny thing about my mom, sometimes she'll start talking and then break off in mid-sentence and start to meditate, which makes complete sense considering she's a mom, (Hey! can you pass me the Uummm...) Pretty funny huh? yup, thats right.

THIS UUUMM IS UUMM APPROVED

Funny animal pictures

2008-06-11T12:47:00.004-06:00

Bad Bird

This hamster has also been bad and is in jail now
Now this is a very good hamster that always takes the dolly's baby for a walk
I can read your Mind!
WEEEEEE!!!!
Now this is the best picture of them all, in this picture Marshmallow hangs from a toothpick while toffee watches in the background. I haven't figured out why Marshy loves toothpicks so much, maybe its the minty flavor. Heehee.

THIS POST IS HAMSTER, GERBIL, AND SEAGULL APPROVED.

The magical adventures of marshmallow and toffee

2008-05-13T16:39:00.002-06:00

Today my gerbils escaped their cage. One of the tubes broke off and they got free, all because my mother refused to put duct tape on the inside! Grrrrrr! anyway marshmallow hid behind the chair in my room and toffee, being more adventurous, scampered to my sisters room.

Of course, my sisters either never clean their room at all or else a tornado comes through it every five minutes. That makes finding and catching a gerbil very interesting. Another factor is that theres no place to put a gerbil except in the cage that isn't broken, so once I managed to capture marshmallow I had to put him in the same cage in which I would capture toffee in.
Therefore marshmallow is constantly trying to get out again while I have to try and get toffee in.

Fortunately, I managed to get them back in and my mom managed to get the cage back together. the gerbils (hopefully) had a good time.

THIS POST IS GERBIL APPROVED

Blogging is Stupid

2008-04-29T17:14:00.002-06:00

Today My mom says I need to Post something. So I'm going to inform you of a few things,
My schoolwork is done,
My gerbils are cute,
My birds are loud,
so are my sisters.

ghurcrhgudbcudfbrufhruhbdhfjgbjhdbcdeguribfuregbrufbt8h58437gbudhbf84375tg
gfhyrefbjhrebfrhfcbrjbkrejfbrjfbruib4ufbegfbuirge8r4587tef5tg4vnu8g8r8gf8gn4e58
fbhbfnu43r5gbyer4gyuth3u4tg4u87gf8tr8gfui43gfhrebcuhe437fyugfuiregffuwhreurf
hudqwe3r4gyu43eh32u84y6575yr3eyhjnwuetg6437yt573jesuwxhgxuhdbcy73hr4y75yrdytre7frd
tttrhyu34r4g7rh4eydgfy7ehryu3he387rh487reheuxsyunbyu83ru4587ytr6475ydgefh
yu45rh43he43y7ty7ehud whscv3dfyrere32ue84rh4387gfxcyrfyghedyr43yemu23hryu4henxu3dyhn43yr

And if you say PLEASE I might make a list of Sisterisms tomorrow,

"That feels me happy".
Denia Harbidge

How to.......

2008-01-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

Shave your armpits
Step 1. Buy a gerbil or ferret
Step 2. Spend your time sharpening your new critters claws
step 3. Once its claws have reached desirable Sharpness, Start poking it.
Step 4. While poking it, Rub soap and Gerbil/ferret food on your armpits
Step 5. Once your pet is very angry, Grab it and rub it along your armpits(you might want to have some bandages and phone handy).
Step 6. Wash your armpits and pet and put pet back in cage to calm down.
Step 7. Put some deoderant on and enjoy your now bare armpits

Don't blame me!

2008-01-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This blog may have content written By bubbly platypi, Ravenous weasels, Deranged plagerizing Bumblebees, Velociraptors, gerbils, and the Occasional wolverines. Some experts say that only 12% of this entire blog is written by me, in fact, I highly doubt that I wrote this warning. Thats right, I even doubt it even though I'm sitting here writing this. Beware.

Welcome to the lots of platypi, Today I'm studying the deranged plagerizing bumblebees, the rumor is that these insects go around the lots of platypi website and insert cantaloupe quotes into my posts.

DPB1: Creepy is just Ypeerc backwards.
DPB2: ALIENS FOUGHT URGE OF DESTRUCTION OF PLANET AND WON!

Thank you for showing us your skills DPB1 and DPB2, And now I am interviewing Two Velociraptors and my new pet gerbils, Toffee and marshmallow,

Marshmallow: So you got any food?
Velociraptor 1: No, But I think YOU got Food
Toffee: (runs on wheel)
Katie: Here, have a peanut.
Velociraptor 2: I don't like Peanuts.
K: No not you! here marshmallow.
M: Get the shell off!
T: (continues running on wheel)
V1: Did you cause mass extinction?
K: no, why?
V1: Because it says that dinosaurs were killed by the katie meteor!
K: No thats the KT meteor! And I'm not that old!
T: (gets tired and starts digging)
V2: Extincter!
V1: ShREaAAAchkk!
M: WHERE'S MY PEANUT!
T: What are we talking about?
V2: Get her!
(Ultimate chaos)

The moral of this is don't invite two dinosaurs over to your house when you have a name that sounds just like the KT Mass extinction Meteor.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

Welcome back with tales of the untold

2008-01-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

Good bye my little minions, for the time has come for me to leave, Don't worry, I will be back, and as a little food for thought I just might just take over the world by next december, have a happy new year, sincerely, Santa claws.

Welcome back, This is Katie the great. December has been quite good for me, I got to hug lots of puppys, kiss lots of gerbils, and only got chased by velociraptors once. My father got the deathstar and a leather jacket and my sisters got two robopandas and a million boxes of batterys. I got two gerbils and a robosapien V2 and another million boxes of batterys, and
Jurassic park 1
Jurassic park 2
Jurassic park 3
and
Shrek 3
and
a million books
and
a magazine
and
and
and
Everything.

Now I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna get for christmas next year, Hmmmmmmmmmmm.........
What do you get a girl who has everything, I GOT IT! you get Her Everything else! Plus, family, food and shelter.
Oh, and don't be afraid to get me money, thats always nice.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

Welcome to the south pole

2007-12-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

Heelllloooooo.......... it is me, SANTA CLAWS! I now will fully describe me and My evil plan to rule the world. I am as you know, a cat; a fat cat to be precise, with thick white fur and jet black paws. I wear a red fur-trimmed coat and hat and wear claw extensions, My plan is to gain power by doing the santa thingy, delivering toys to the good girls and boys. however the gift I give to the naughty little children is much different. I give them a burnt stick(coal is worth to much these days) and a note saying:
Dear (insert childs name),
I'm sure you have been trying very hard to be good this year, however, you have still ended up on the naughty list. I am sending this note to help you get on the nice list, this will require doing things like beating up dogs, punching santa claus in the face, and intentionally squishing beetles on the street. I hope this helps,
Sincerely, Santa claws.
P.S: laying out catnip cookies and a bowlof lactose free milk might also raise you a few Points!

Mehehehehoha.... The second part of my Devious plan of destruction involves Genetic engineering, I've been making mutants since I arrived in florida, My first creation involved mixing Bat genes, Rat genes, And Adelie penguin Genes, Plus a little bit of human genes. Once I made enough of them I slipped them in green tights and forced them to make toys, My second creation involved mixing Evil chihuahas with Magical reindeer to create my sled-pulling Chihuahuadeer, My third creation is a mathematical-Problematical-grammatical-Buzzardfly, who does all the boring stuff like Operating the spycam(a robot used for checking all the little boys and girls to see if their being naughty or nice) looking at all the Kids wish lists, BlahBlahBlah. My fourth and Final Creation is a flying Pyromaniac who collects sticks and burns them.
MUAHAHAHEEEEEHOHOHOHO......Mehehe... Ho
So How do you like my EEEEEVIL plan,
Soon I will gain enough power to Take over the world with my army of emperor Penguins AND AS A BONUS I WILL DEFEAT MY ARCH-ENEMY SANTA CLAUS!!!!!
HAVE A MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

You better watch out
You better Not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa claws is Coming to town!
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaheeeehohohohohoooo!!

THIS POST IS SANTA CLAWS APPROVED

Special christmas edition

2007-12-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

I, Katie the great, am on christmas vacation, My friend Santa claws will write a post for today, and for all of december, I'm not sure how frequently he will post, but I'm sure you'll have a roaring good time anyway, Merry christmas
Merry christmas everybody!
Christmas is coming up and we Have made are 50th Post!
but ignore that, for Xmas is the most Important thingy event,
Pass the Eggnog!

What to do if santa comes to your House
I'd like to mention that if you are 6 years old or younger and LOVE santa claus,
you should not read this post,
However, if cannot read then you are free to read this post at anytime.
1. Put some milk and cookies out, Also known as Baiting the trap.
2. Wait for the fat guy to lay out the Goodies, we wouldn't want to waste extra presents Could we?
3. Leap out from the shadows and do some Martial art/Matrix moves on him.
4. Hog-tie Him and hide him in the attic.
5. Go to the roof and get santa's reindeer, they'll make a great christmas dinner tomorrow.
6. on christmas morning Inspect the presents that he gave to you, if their sucky gifts like socks or something like that, you may proceed to burning santa at the stake at new years eve.
7. Enjoy the cookies and milk you laid out last night, Can't put those to waste would we?
8. Enjoy the venison that you got earlier
9. Play with all the awesome presents you got.
10. TO ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
Sincerely, Santa claws
ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
Normally we would do a story about Platypuss in boots, But I am writing a christmas post, and plus I have not Introduced Myself,
Ahem, I am the One and only SANTA CLAWS! In case your wondering, I am santa Claus's pet cat, but the words PET and CAT seem to mean something fragile and unimportant, something to be looked down upon,
But I am THE SUPREME SANTA CLAWS! in fact, jolly old Mrs. Claus got me for a friend when her fat husband was away, but I had plans to RULE THE WORLD! MUAHOHOHOHOHOHOHAA! and so I escaped on santa's sled and by the time he was done half of his deliverys, I got the crazy idea of mauling him and driving to antarctica when he spotted me and tossed me out of the sled, sending me plummeting towards the earth. I landed in a puddle of mud in florida, With plans of reveeeennge...................................don't ask me why I wanted to go to antarctica but its probably because of the large population of flightless birds there, birds capable of taking over the world in their snappy tuxedos. so now you know of me and my dastardly plan to take down St. nick, and now you know Why I wrote down a list of steps to killing Santa, I also like to imform you that while I was writing this, I was actually wearing little red stockings on my feet, one of the rarest things that can happen in the universe, so remember that and treasure this post forevor.

sincerely, Santa claws
THIS POST IS SANTA CLAWS APPROVED

Pure nonsense

2007-10-17T14:02:00.000-06:00

In a land where tigers were blue,

where fish drank mountain dew,

lived a land of squirrels,

a merry bunch,

that ate pancakes and ice cream for lunch.

And yet this tribe had one desire,

to gain the love of ones much higher,

and so one day,

a brave young squirrel,

gained the love of a bright young girl,

a great giraffe,

towering high,

with big brown spots that seemed to swirl,

she was so pretty-Oh never mind,

the point is that their married and doing quite fine,

they have children now,

now you do the thinking,

my imagination is sinking

and my fingers are kinking.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED.

HaPpY oRpLe DaY!

2007-06-28T12:57:00.000-06:00

WEAR LOTS OF ORANGE AND PURPLE TODAY!

THIS DAY COMES ONCE A MONTH!

YEAHOOO!

HAPPY ORPLE DAY!

randomness

2007-06-15T14:53:00.000-06:00

hello and welcome all, as the title suggests I will do something random before continuing my post:

now this post will be about penguins, I wish I had a penguin. haven't you seen a penguin that could go shopping for you?

thats right, penguins are awesome.

penguin: no fish, you look disgusting,

fish: please-

penguin: NO

fish: but-

penguin: NO!

fish: I taste like bacon,

penguin: No! I hate bacon!

fish: nuked high and crispy as a leaf!

penguin: no! there is no way I am going to eat you!

fish: why not,

penguin: because your covered with snot. slimeball,

THIS POST IS PENGUIN APPROVED

Huh?

2007-06-15T14:52:00.001-06:00

headlocked in photography

2007-06-11T15:34:00.001-06:00

the reason for the title yes, the days are running smoothly as usual.

summer is acoming and soon we'll be as brown as my sisters,

half-cooked just so the mosquitos can come and eat us.

this post is about things that are fluffy.

yup, cute cats and fluffy bunnys.
koalas are fluffy to, just a bit smelly. finally I answer a question that may or may not have been questioned.

why was the blog named LOTS OF PLATYPI?

because the platypus is a funny creature, and this blog is clearly made to entertain the people, hello people!

hoot if you like beavers

2007-06-01T13:38:00.000-06:00

yes, it is time for a variety of random subjects made to entertain you and make you question my sanity, the first one was when prancing rainbow ponies existed. okay, maybe not, heres the first subject:

sometimes I really like pink,

it makes me want to think,

and then I eat a skink,

sometimes I really like pink!

okay, its not my best work. okay this post is not poetic. in fact I don't even like to eat skinks, they taste like potatos and lollypops.

last night the streets of my town were a foot deep in water. then this morning I found out that calgary was covered in water DEEPER then nanton was! I instantly felt a surge of jealousy. why can't we have an exciting flood! thats totally unfair! now some news for all readers, if you see something meaningful on my blog it probably means that something has happened in my life. so if theres nothing but nonesense on my blog then nothing has happened. but recently my mother has had her birthday, the cake was delicious and we had to cut it with a machete, thats a kind of sword if you didn't know. anyway me, my sisters, trevor and melissa had a great time singing crazy camp songs. yelling TORTOISE! is so much fun!

and now we talk mottos, my dad has 2, "if its dangerous, its fun" and "save a cow, eat a vegetarian" and he even mutters, wwwiiillbburrr........ when we eat bacon! by the way I'm a fan of PETA(people eating tasty animals) mmmmm, the taste of venison. I have random costumes just for you, unfortunately I could only think of one. read instructions for diguising yourself:

nudist: nothing

see, a perfect diguise. all you have to wear to diguise yourself as a nudist is nothing!

random title

this post I talk about the tickle-me-elmo toy. I have one at home that is owned by my sister denia, when she first got it for christmas she was terrified! now days the toy is known as the laugh-at-all-violence-directed-to-self-toy. have you tried setting one of those things on fire? it will just laugh its head off until it dies. if you just simply punch it it will start laughing, ironicly the happy-go-lucky toy will NOT laugh if you tickle it. only if you be violent to it will it go. oh the irony.

THIS IRONY IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

maybe................................................

2007-05-28T12:55:00.000-06:00

ferrety madness.

today i got myself a ferret, it was a cute little spotty one with bright eyes. little did I know that this ferret was EVIL, it waited till I wasn't looking and grabbed the chainsaw; eating away at the house by the second, then it grabbed my sisters barbies and stuck them in the blender, making clever little barbie milkshakes. then it made a pie that looked like this:n, it was really scary. but before long I developed a plan, it was to give the ferret a jalapeno pepper, then lure it into a trebuchet with a cup of water. the plan worked! the ferret flew away to the bahamas and was never seen again, until I saw the newspaper, the headlines said: dangerous ferret attacks millions! I was really suprised! but I learned that all ferrets are evil and ferrets attack more people then grizzly bears.

edward teach, the ad guy.

this post is about edward teach, formerly known as blackbeard, not only the king of the sea but the king of advertising. he really wasn't the guy you knew. edward was the guy who wanted to be known. he really was a nice guy who sold flowers to captain hook, but then eddie cloned himself and made his clone a pirate, and named his clone blackbeard. eddie told his clone to be as ruthless as possible, and by ruthless I mean don't marry anyone named ruth. ed sold more flowers then ever and became rich, while blackbeard raged the seas.

just because I'm bored

2007-05-25T14:36:00.000-06:00

one day i was super bored and decided to go on a mission. a mission to find new animals, it all started with the airplane to madagascar.
day 1.
we just arrived in madagascar with our stuff, came to the jungle and looked around. just lots of trees and leeches, ho hum.
day 2.
finally saw something, just a little lemur with 3 heads. welcome to the animal records lemur tri! went home with pictures and notes of jack, jon, and phil. wow, that was totally amazing.
day 3.
we saw another lemur today, looked like it had sunglasses and a mohawk, named it brant and got pictures of him. wow.
day 4.
nothing except leeches today, hohum.
day 5.
really weird mongoose today, it appeared to have eaten one of my crew members, but I'm sure he just got lost.
day 6.
good news! we found another lemur today, in the mouth of a fossa! the fossa appeared to have pink polka-dots on it. I think it was the light though.
day 7.
whata week! saw tons of lemurs, got eaten by leeches, the day was only complete when we saw a spiky looking lemur with sharp teeth. it even bit me! ow, that nutter got tranquilized the moment my crew knew what happened! now were grilling it over the fire as a celebration to our leaving. now I can have a hot shower and sit by the fireplace when I get home!
SORRY, WE CANT APPROVE ANYTHING NOW

patents and the greatest

2007-05-21T15:20:00.000-06:00

today was not a good day, because I tried to patent my head. have you ever tried to take your head off? very painful, what is the greatest invention ever? thats up to you, if you could make a camp, where would it be? questions all come to mind and lash at me, I need an interview with someone! please!
random reader: stop groping
me: I'm not groping
rr: yes you are
m: do you mind it if I ask random questionS?
rr: no
m: you wont flop over and die?
rr: no
me: lol

wait thats not an interview, thats a chat!
katies mind: dont worry about asking random questions, the readers will read your blog no matter if its good or not!
katie: no, I must have useful material in my post
katies mind: how long have you been on this blog?
katie: long enough to make 41 posts.
katies mind: does it even bother you that we've been talking about nothing for about five lines?
katies shorts: hey, we're just shorts, we don't have an opinion.
katies mind: I think that your plaigerizing shorts
katie: hey, I'm the plaigerizer here

THIS POST IS NOT PLATYPUS APPROVED

colour!

2007-05-18T10:13:00.000-06:00

the world is apparently colourless and dull, scratching your gerbil doesn't help. I am about to patent COLOUR to the world! I'm even going to start a company and a slogan: "colour makes the world shinier", the company will start by painting the dirt fluorescent orange! and then we will paint buildings purple and orange! thats right, and THEN we're gonna paint everyones bathrooms lime green! and then I'm gonna retire to a colourful mansion. okay, maybe not. I don't have enough paint for that, besides colour has already been patented. but we do need happy shinyness, how many of you have the urge to bury yourself in bacon? I have the urge, how many of you have the urge to sleep in a sack full of buttons? I have the urge, how many of you have the urge to build an everyday object thats fifty times the size of a normal one? I have the urge. yes there is nothing like making yourself seem like a midget or eating your way out of a bag of bacon. the urge is a good one, remember that if its dangerous, its fun. however nowdays your not allowed to get hurt, if you get hurt nowdays the goverment will sue ya. not a pretty sight.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

an epic

2007-05-15T10:53:00.000-06:00

once upon a time, prince hamlet of denmark fled into the mountains, he was chased by bears and giant bugs there, until he jumped into a giant badger hole. he was in the mountains cuz shakespear wanted him to wear bananas on his head in the play, now that he was in the badger hole he sang:
in the mountains, we like to stay,
where the deer, and the cantaloupe play.
he had only finished the first line whena bear jumped out and asked him to get the tape off his nose, then the bear said thank-you and proceeded to chase him around the forest. once hamlet escaped and ended up being pelted by squirrels shakespear had changed his mind about the play and decided to lock him in the dungeons instead. hamlet scurried around the room and found a broom, he was just about to pick it up and sweep the place when the broom came to life! the broom said, "if you promise not to use me to clean up the place I will grant you one wish". hamlet thought a bit, the place needed cleaning badly and shakespear would still catch him if he escaped. without one more thought he picked up the broom and started cleaning, once he was done the broom said "something is rotten in the state of dungeons" and disappeared. almost immediately shakespear burst in and stared in suprise at the clean cell, then he exclamed "LOOK HOW CLEAN THIS PLACE IS!" and took hamlet by the arm and led him out of the dungeons. then as a reward hamlet was given a pair of shiny pants and a llama to ride! and then he got a wife and they lived in a spaceship! the end.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

this post

2007-05-14T13:53:00.000-06:00

this post just happens to be about my dad, it may not be fathers day but it still counts, my dad loves to make parodys, he hasn't written them or sung them or made a band name but he's totally got the skillz, and not only that but he's got the greatest wife, aka my mom. my mom is like a grumpy purple orca, actually a orca/moose hybrid, why, cuz she's really cool. just recently a bunch of purple and orange aliens have been found on a distant planet, actually no, but aliens would be pretty cool.
only recently I've gone to weaselhead, to my suprise there wasn't any weasels! thats bad advertising! and I really wanted to squash some weasels and stuff! YIKES! I love chicken,
THIS POST MAY NOT BE OVER
see ya
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

subject without violence

2007-05-11T11:32:00.000-06:00

hello one and all, it is time for a non-violent post. hmmmmm...a non-violent post, thats gonna be hard. oofh, I sprained my brain, its hard to find a subject without violence and keep it funny. you see those cartoons on TV? everything in there is violent, always getting squashed and thrown off cliffs. and yet its for kids, FOR KIDS! if the guys don't like my post because its so violent then they can go ahead and ban the cartoons, cuz I don't even have a TV. anyways, if I cant have violence then there's not gonna be posts, and if there's not gonna be posts then this blog will cease to exist. subject without violence subject without violence I'd kill somebody to find a subject without violence. peace, peace, its gonna have angels singing in the clouds and sending feathers down to the ground, bEeP! wrong, its gonna be lifeless and dark cuz the whole world is violent. no blogs no animals no people no anything. if you rip out violence the whole world will die, you cant have a good adventure without violence! heres a love letter,
dear zuke,
our love was sweet, and I never strayed, but then you gave me that sweater for my birthday, this is a thank you note cuz I couldn't find a bomb, I love you and hope you eat maggot infested onions.
sincerly, kyley.
aaawww, that was nice, heres the reply,
dear kyley,
I'm terribly sorry that you didn't like the sweater, my grandmother worked so hard to make that, and by the way, I don't like onions.
sincerly, zuke.
hmmmm, I wonder why she didn't like her sweater,
dear zuke,
maybe you didn't notice that she forgot to make a head hole, and I despise the fact that its made from spaghetti, I hate spaghetti,
sincerly, kyley,
P.S. I still want you to eat maggot infested onions.
I don't really like spaghetti. well I like it but my stomach doesn't agree.
have you tried mentos and diet pop? its really awesome. I love chicken.
THIS VIOLENCE IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

a very special moment

2007-05-10T19:46:00.000-06:00

this day is the somethingth anniversery of the platypi, I'd like to thank all the people who work here-uuuuuhm......me. anyway all of you that would like to join feel free to email me saying so, remember our-I mean my slogan(thats like slop right?), two insane minds think alike. anyway onto the post, did you know that-uuuuh, never mind, want your insanity test? if you don't you shouldn't read this post or else your gonna get a rash.
the first question is what your favourite meal is, is it:
A. pancakes with hotsauce.
B. chicken and mayo.
C. my underwear with gopher guts.
the next one is what your favourite sport is:
A. BELLYFLOPPING!
B. SOCCER!
C. BUNGYJUMPING WITHOUT MY CORD!
the third question is what your hairstyle is:
A. mullet on one side, mohawk on the other, and finishing up with locks.
B. normal.
C. whats hair?
next one is how you prefer to die:
A. walking by old faithful and BAM!
B. falling asleep and never getting up.
C. JUMPING OFF A CLIIIIIIIIIFFF!
the final question will revolve about what your hobby is:
A. I tend to go on a three minute killing spree on squirrels.
B. quilting.
C. stuffing dead bodys into peoples closets and counting necterines.

finally we come to the results:
3 to 5 A's=your just like the platypus, teetering on the edge of insanity but not falling off, congrats you have made it.
3 to 5 B's=perfectly normal, almost no insanity, happily eating chicken and mayo to your hearts content, however, seeing you are not insane you must do as I say: leave this site as soon as possible, rip this site off your favourites, and never come back. easy said?
3 to 5 C's=sorry, if you are really like this then you would be dead, therefor you would not exist, and would you read this if you didn't exist, yes you would. remember that we or I to be specific would like to keep this site free, clean, and interactive, and by interactive I mean the comments section and the wonder of email. if you passed the insanity test then have a GREAT time at this site but if not, then goodby,
GOODBY!
sincerly, somebody from heaven.
THIS POST IS NOT OVER
welcome back to the platypi, recently I've been getting some letters, they read:
dear somebody,
I didn't pass the insanity test! what am I to do to redeem myself!?
sincerly, sensitive.
dear sensitive,
hmmm, thats a good question, I don't exactly remember a redeeming thing in there but why don't you try and make a little dunce cap and wearing it while running naked on your front lawn, it just might work!
sincerly, totally insane.
dear totally,
I did it again! I was about to do that stuff but I couldn't! please give me a second chance!
sincerly, still sensitive.
dear still,
hmmmm, what could I do for that, I know! jump off a cliff and try and survive! and whats more, do in your underwear!
sincerly, plagued.
dear plagued,
I'm sorry to say this but I don't know what underwear is. please come up with something else?
sincerly, colots.
dear colots,
the bad news is that I couldn't come up with anything, the GOOD news is that you redeemed yourself in that single letter, CONGRATS! even I know what underwear is, I know that they are very tasty with ketchup!
sincerly, not plagued.
well that was nice, that pleasant reader can come again.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

your home and mine

2007-05-08T15:23:00.000-06:00

warning: this post may contain language, partial nudity, slight violence, and a mention of me, see I just mentioned me, with my bare hands(there's the partial nudity) I write this warning of any sex in here. actually both sexes, and I just used a lot of language. carry on.
hello one and all, its where you can design your own dream house! the quiz of the century, join in and see your results!

1. which is the better animal in your opinion?
A. crocodile
B. dog
C. parrot
D. okapis and platypi
E. wolverine

2. what kind of security would you have?
A. iron gate, stone walls, and moat.
B. a fence
C. metal walls, security cameras and nifty pin scanners.
D. security?
E. see C

3. whats the best transportation?
A. horses, elephants, ostriches, maybe even a viking ship!
B. a car
C. hovercrafts, segways, anything high tech.
D. I said okapis and platyp-oh wait, what was the question?
E. my feet are perfect for the job!

4. how do you normally eat at the dinner table?
A. with our hands, belching loudly at a meal.
B. with forks and knives
C. with robots at the table
D. WE FOOOD FIGHT!
E. cautiously, sharpening my dagger before eating.

5. what would you do if a dagger suddenly fell into your oatmeal?
A. get out the trebuchet and go to WAR!
B. call the police!
C. dagger? I would have thought a micro dart!
D. ha! what a silly place for a dagger to land!
E. grab my dagger and throw it at the place where the dagger fell.

want the results now? okay, heres the slop,
mostly A-s: your a king! your totally medievel!
mostly B-s: your normal! your completely ordinary!
mostly C-s: your a complete techno geek! your place is in the far future.
mostly D-s: your insane! you like insane looking creatures and laugh a lot
mostly E-s: your an assasin! slick, sly, and not afraid to prove it!
mostly Z-s: your a lierlierpants on fire person, I bet you never saw a Z in the quiz! no you didn't. and I bet you thought this was about your dream house right? wrong.
THIS POST IS MANIAC APPROVED

youuuuu.... muuuust.....voooote.

2007-05-08T14:11:00.000-06:00

spring phantom
be prepared tiny winy
buckin ant
front seat of the car

have fun voting and make sure that you DO vote
THIS LINE OF PICTURES IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

madness

2007-05-05T13:49:00.000-06:00

my day here(hello)started with a salesmen dressed in cheesy clothes that gave me a free trip to africa, now, at first I was mostly focused on the plaid tie but then I managed to get a bit about wildebeasts. and then he gave me this really wierd look like I wAs crazy or something like that. well, when I got to the airport people were giving REALLY wierd looks, and the girl that took my luggage in the plane asked me what was in my suitcase and I said "just an anvil" and then she said that my pack was to heavy or something. but even stranger then that was this guy at the pay booth actually ASKED me for money! I mean, I had got this ticket that let me go free! when I gave him the ticket he looked at it and said something to me, but I wasn't listening, I was imagining how awesome it would be when I got to africa. and then the guy looked at the ticket disapprovingly, I guess he really wanted money from me, and then he asked again for money! I knew I was being cheated and stuff so I ripped out my gun and pointed it at him and said "are you trying to cheat me out of my money or something?" and he said "no" and then some security guys rushed out onto the scene, I guess someone called the police to arrest the guy. the next thing I knew I was in africa, I guess they rewarded me for my bravery with a nice trip and even an hotel! that was very nice of them, anyway when I woke up I was in a strange room with concrete walls and a really big door made of bars, the window was very small and had little iron bars across it. when I asked the hotel manager what hotel this was he gave me this super strange look, then he told me that the hotel was called "jail" hmmm.... that reminds me of the place where the airport guy will be staying. hehe, so anyway when I asked for breakfast and they gave me some stale bread and water, so I asked if I could have pancakes instead. suddenly, they laughed! I couldn't see what was so funny, so I asked again. after that I decided that I should just eat what I got, and get out to see what africa looked like. to my suprise, they didn't let me! WHAT IS WITH THIS HOTEL! I had enough of this nonesense and escaped, when I got out, I was suprised to see that it looked just like my own town! wow, africa has changed since the wildebeasts migrated away. anyway, the evil hotel guys chased after me like a hound chases a fox, I ran into a phone booth and called the police. when they got to the scene they started going after ME instead! boy were they confused. anyway I'm in a mental hospital, so far I've stayed here for six months. I hope I get out soon, byby.

CUT! alright, so that wasn't my actual day, and I'm not insane, I do mean that rubber socks are tasty but I'm not insane. if you want to eat my socks, your gonna have to fill out this form in the comments section,

nickname_____________________________________
age____
words that describe this site and you________________________
your favourite food___________________________________

have fun eating my sock(its the new trend)
sincerly, katyapus
THIS POST IS ARMADILLO APPROVED

ZOO TRIP!

2007-05-02T15:21:00.000-06:00

only a few days ago I went to the zoo, of course, I had my family with me. as soon as we got in we noticed that godzilla had gotten out of his cage, boy we were super scared! but fortunately the zookeepers got him back in without him blasting anyone with his atomic breath. when we got too the other side of the bridge some squirrels were pelting us with acorns, we managed to fend them off until the chief squirrel went upon us with a flame thrower and gun, see:

however we managed to calm them down and tame them with peanuts. but we were really worked up about our little adventures, when we went to the elephant exibit we saw that some construction was going about. we thought that all would be normal until the bull elephant escaped from his cage and rampaged around the zoo! he was running around and smashed the walls of the tiger cage and gave each and every tiger there a spanking. luckily the zookeepers came running and sedated the angry animal for good, we were so excited about else might happen, but then when we got to the otter place we found that the otters were headbanging! we all danced and danced till we had headaches. before long we were tired and ready to go home, then suddenly richard the baby giraffe started doing backflips! it was SOO cool! in the end we got home in one(tired)piece. I am sure glad that the wolves didn't escape and start mauling people.

THIS POST IS NOT PLATYPUS APPROVED! MUAHAHAHAHAAA!

mmmm, chicken

2007-04-30T18:39:00.000-06:00

bukbukAUkbukbukbukbuk, sorry, I'm going to do a post in chickenease. BUKBUKBUAK! of course, you can't speak chicken(probably). whats the reason of speaking chicken, the easyness of EATING it later!
chicken: bukbucauk!abukabukbukbuk!translation: what are you doing?
me: bukcukabukbuk.translation: sharpening my knife.
chicken: bukbukauk? translation: what does it do?
me: bookabukacaw.translation: it cuts things.
chicken: bukbuuk? translation: what things?
me: bauk, bokobick.translation: lots of things.
chicken: BUUK! BUKKA BUK BUKBUK?translation:how can you understand me?
me: bukkaukacaw. translation: because I can.
chicken: bauck ark book bukbUkbukbukk?translation: what are you going to use that knife for?
me: bukbauk. translation: you'll see.
chicken: ............

see, theres the beauty of speaking chickenease, bringing it to the DEATH! oops, a little too violent, oops, a little too dull, oops, I gotta stop saying OOPS! lesson number two: how to hipnotise a chicken,
all you really have to do is catch a chicken and lay it on its belly, then draw a line in the dirt from the chickens beak and out. the moral of this story: bubabukaukbukbukbukbuk.
BUKBUAK BUK BUKABUKABUUK

in favor of scotts

2007-04-25T12:39:00.000-06:00

welcome one and all, this post just happens to be about scotland. we come to start with the first subject:
BAG PIPES
bagpipes are well known for there noisyness and sheer screechyness, the main fact is that if you throw a cat over your shoulder and pull its tail it will make the exact same sound. here is what sea monsters think of it:
sea monster 1: uuhgg.. those guys have been playing forever!
sea monster 2: well just be happy that were not hearing the starting part when they fill the bagpipes!
sea monster 1: can't we just eat them!?
sea monster 2: okay, okay, we can eat them but I get the guys playing the bagpipes!
sea monster 1: aww come on you had the bagpipe guys last time. I don't wan't to eat those little girls wearing the plaid skirts!
sea monster 2: well its better then nothing!
loch ness monster: OKAY OKAY I WILL SETTLE THIS MYSELF AND EAT THEM IF YOU CAN'T DECIDE!
sea monster 1: it looks like nessie woke up on the wrong side of the seabed.
well that settles it, nessie hates bagpipes. I bet your wondering about my Diner of love(and food) and what the point was, heres the
Diner of love(and food)2
after reading the menu suddenly waiters that resemble fish and potatos apear in front of you, tables apear all over the place and you decide what to eat from the menu. after finishing the very odd meal you go to pay the check and find just how expensive it is which is very expensive! you never go to that restraunt again.
The check
in this section you must fill in your check and I will give you the results, all you have to do is fill out what apears before you

APPETIZERS______(fill in this section by going down to the post diner of love(and food) and pick your appetizer)
Main course________(do the same thing exept by picking the main course instead)
dessert(same thing)
your name_______
your age___(optional)

have fun filling out your check(and don't worry, I'm not going to charge you any money)
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

no title

2007-04-24T13:38:00.000-06:00

THE PLATYPUS HAS BEEN UNABLE TO POST BECAUSE THE AUTHOR IS SO ILLITERATE, PLEASE STAND BY UNTIL OUR WRITER IS ABLE TO WRITE.
sorry, I was hit in the head by a fossilized weasel and my memory was wiped out, luckily I was able to re-learn writing in about a day or so. I HATE THOSE WEASELS! speaking about weasels this post is all about those pesky devils, okay, not really, BUT THOSE WEASELS ARE GONNA PAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so evil! HAHAHAHAHAHOHOHEEHEEHAAMUAMUAHAAAAA! ahem, sorry. I feel all happy and smiley inside so I want to take over the world, maybe I should be happy and fluffy inside instead, see, I'm so happy, and now I'm gonna show how fluffy I am: aawwwww, so cute, and fluffy. but if you wan't real cuteness then go to the picture titled this is not me and obey the cuteness.
(subtitles of cuteness, subtitles of doom,
subtitles suck-eth and come with a broom,
subtitles eat leaves, subtitles eat junk,
subtitles should be shipped away on a bunk.)
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

my art of doom 3

2007-04-19T14:25:00.000-06:00

birdy in the popcorn the egg
and platypus
mirror image
sideways head basket

have fun voting!

of beavers and chile:part 4

2007-04-19T13:41:00.000-06:00

the humans had made a plan to weed out the oncoming beaver population once and for all, the farmers would shoot them while experts would trap them. the plan was working perfectly on taking down those rodents, one beaver was working on her dam and had just finished when a human came along. she swam away while the person destroyed her dam, she swam in to fix it when a trap went SNAP and everything blacked out as she died. with people giving out 5 pesos for a beavers tail, maybe those pesky beavers won't have a chance for world domination after all....
THE END

of beavers and chile:part 3

2007-04-18T12:53:00.000-06:00

after escaping from the fur trade the beavers moved right in,chopping away trees and flooding valleys. on this island on the southernest part of south america where there was no predators for the beavers to worry about(just penguins), so the beavers population grew from fifty to a hundred thousand beavers in just fifty years. the beavers were now sure that they had won the war, they gathered in a giant beaver lodge and celebrated there cleverness by eating chile and beans topped off with sticks. little did they know however.....
to be continued....

of beavers and chile:part 2

2007-04-17T19:42:00.000-06:00

beavers were enraged and red-hot with hatred, they went to a secret burrow and made plans on how to destroy the humans. the next day was also the next year which was also was a new decade, and the beavers made there plans of world domination, there plan was to convince the humans to port them to southern chile in the fur trade(in this new year humans could no longer talk to animals) and escape into the wild. the plan was well-planned and ended up winning step 1, step 2 was about to take action.....
to be continued.....

of beavers and chile:part one

2007-04-16T11:39:00.000-06:00

a long time ago when animals and people could chat together and play. a beaver asked for directions from a human, however the human itself didn't know the way but gave them out anyway. the beaver was enraged that it got misleaded and didn't know that it was not on purpose, but from now on, beavers and humans were at WAR..........
to be continued,

the evilness of the ignorant

2007-04-11T10:46:00.000-06:00

chihuahuas, these small dogs have ruled the world-I mean been on this planet for a long time. but how long? my studies show that in about fifty years the world shall be under the control of these little things, I have organized a theory of how chihuahuas came to be:
hundreds of years ago small dog-like aliens ruled a distant planet, the creatures however, were greedy for land and the land they had was running out. the aliens chose a planet to take over and made there plans.
they would create a spaceship and attach to it a wormhole, they would put the other end in there planet airport. then the aliens would speed off towards earth, however on the way there ship malfunctioned and the ship went rocketing down to earth. they crash-landed in mexico and were stranded on our planet, the wormhole was badly damaged but was still good enough to bring the rest of there kind over here to bring plan B into life. plan B was to remain on earth and gain the trust of the inhabitants then destroy them and RULE THE WORLD!
poodles on the other hand, admired these creatures and were so trusting that the chihuahuas told them there secret! the poodles were amazed that such small creatures could do that. so the poodles had a meeting and decided that if they could do it, then they could too, however the poodles werent as organized as the chihuahuas and only managed to get evil-looking hairdos. so now you know what dogs are evil and what dogs are just wannabe's. chihuahuas=EVIL poodles=wannabe's.
AHH I love purple! purple text is awesome! in fact I'm going to do the whole post in PURPLE! SO PURPLE! evil purple chihuahuas rule the world! ahahahahahahahaaaaah
oh, sorry, I just had a purple attack there, sorry about that.
anyways chihuahuas are pure evil and such.
sincerly, katyapus

not the squirrels!
its true, squirrels are a big threat to our planet, savage little things run about, chaos trailing behind them. tree squirrels squirm into our electrical thingys, making power outs for millions. gophers dig holes and break the legs of cattle. what are we going to do about it? obey them!
these tiny creatures are just punishments from saint squirky, he punishes those who don't turn of there cell phones during important times.(e.g.theatres, church, funerals.) those who don't listen will be attacked by rabid squirrels and be killed by them, however, the squirrels come after an hour has passed and you can redeem yourself before this, but you can only do so after you've paid the price of all your cattle falling over and turning into the squirrels that may kill you in the future. to redeem yourself you must eat those squirrels and a single worm.
sincerly, katyapus
the story of the armadillos
it was spring in africa, boiling hot and armadillos had been recently invented by local people, as the white man had came and gone and brought bowling with them, but when they left, bowling stayed. all the locals needed was a bowling ball and some pins, they found some pears and they did nicely for them, but what about the ball? some youngsters had wandered off into the jungle and found a strange creature that could roll itself into a ball, when it was brought back to the village the people were mesmerized. they found it could make the perfect bowling ball for them, in fact, they had invented the first modern bowling alley. the white settlers only had a rolled up sock and some bits of drift wood stood up on stilts. the locals decided to call this creature the armadillo.
sincerly, katyapus
the grand adventure of platypuss in boots
it was summer, and platypuss was flying around on his pet griffon, suddenly, his griffon turned and dived really fast, platypuss strained and tried to turn his steed around but fell off and tumbled to the ground. luckily for him he was near the ground when he fell and, his steed had survived the crash. although his griffon lived, it was badly hurt and couldn't even walk. platypuss was forced to abandon his steed and go himself, as he went through the enchanted woods he heard something, it creaked and churned and it turned out to be AN OGRE!
now, anogre was this cool guy who made boots, platypuss needed some badly for his were holey and ragged. so platypuss bought some boots and went on with his adventure, but then on his way he was captured by cannibals and they were about to eat him when our hero pulled out a hand grenade and blasted them all! platypuss went along his journey.
as he went along he saw a remarkable sight, it was the rare and mysterious HUNICORN! now a hunicorn is like a unicorn exept its got a fork horn instead, platypuss thought quickly and tied the beast in spider silk, which was the only thing that could hold it. platypuss then carryed the creature to his home town and sold it for a lot of money, and now that platypuss is rich, he can build a big palace with a pipe organ and live happily ever after until his next adventure they end
sincerly, katyapus
brightness of love
we've all seen it, we just don't know it. the sun is a great thing is our lives and we don't know it, I'm going to let you know what brightness is, and use BRIGHTER COLOURS! oops to bright, at least we know what brightness is now do we?

RANDOM QUESTION
what would life be like if sleep didn't exist?
sincerly, katyapus
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

funny animal pictures

2007-04-10T16:28:00.000-06:00

the new mocha late beware the evil kitten with a gun!
is that me?

have fun voting and watch out for the evil kitten with a gun!

THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

the diner of love(and food)

2007-04-10T14:59:00.000-06:00

you step into a diner and look around, at first glance it looks like an old abandoned log cabin. the walls are dusty and have crooked cobwebs on the rafters, your feeling kinda hungry, then you find a paper on the floor, it looks old and ragged. you can read even though its dirty and it reads:
appetizers
Prime country watermelon
polished with gasoline

cookoo kangaroo
stuffed with kangaroo meat

brain muffin
special goat brain cooked inside a lovely muffin
Main course
Cockerdoodledoozle
a lovely rooster soaked in hot butter and stuffed with acorns

melondook
pig roasted over a fire with an apple in its mouth and stuffed with honeydew

worksatater
potatos mashed up and fried in the oil

dead meat
your choice of dead cow, dead pig, dead fish, dead ostrich, dead chicken, or dead zebra.

desserts
berry muffin
a muffin with berrys in it

floffa'ah al a cremah
you don't want to know what this is

Sporpion delight
meerkats love it!

#%&(&(^%#%%*&(@!!$%&*(()*&$@$%&%@$%@*%^
not edible restraunt stuff but a code food, if you pick this for your meal you could get something from the rest of this menu!

sincerly, katyapus
leave your order on the comments!

the belated april fools quizz and wisdom for it

2007-04-05T17:11:00.000-06:00

april fools has always been a tradition, but why? the true answer is unknown. but was is known is that its fun(for the foolers), I will give you a quizz to see if your ready:
1. you notice that the grass is greener on your friends lawn, you..
A. walk along like nothings wrong
B. paint your lawn green
C. ask him/her how he/she makes her grass so green

2. your in bed with your spouse, and you've been hearing voices all night, you
A. get out of bed and eat your oatmeal
B. tear the blanket off the bed and whap your spouse's head with the pillow
C. call the president claiming that you've had angels speak to you

3. your friend said that she's got a present for you and would like you to open it, you
A. say "no thanks, I got enough at christmas" and walk away
B. say "sure I'll take it" and point it at your friends face while you open it
C. say "THANK SO MUCH!" and open it

4. your other friend gives you a box of timbits and tells you to enjoy, you
A. say "I'm not hungry, but thanks"
B. say "sure" and dump the contents of the box on your friends head
C. eagerly stuff the contents into your mouth without looking

5. your friend just gave you a new ball and asks you to play catch, you
A. turn away the ball and say "thats childs play"
B. say that you get to throw first
C. eagerly start the game with your friend throwing first....

now I will give of how gullible you are:
3 to 5 A's=boring, try and spice up your life a bit! be fun!
3 to 5 B's=the perfect april fools person! you can fool your friends AND be fooled! keep up the good work!
3 to 5 C's=FOOL! keep a little more alert! FOOL! throw some tricks yourself! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
the reasons to be alert in these scenarios:
1. paint comes in green too
2. talking toys are around AND easy to hide under pillows
3. those little springy things are easy to make and buy
4. I've heard that rabid weasels can be hidden in timbits boxes AND weasels don't like too be eaten
5. elastic string attached to ball, easy said
how to avoid being tricked without being boring:
1. get down and check the SIDES of the grass
2. what are the voices saying to you? check under your pillow before calling anybody or whacking anybody
3. shake the box around, what do you hear?
4. shaking the box will also help you in this one, if you hear growling, drop the box and run!
5. this one is simple, check the ball for string and watch out for boomerangs!
now, and interview with the ruler of april fools day:
me: so umm, april fools guy, hello
ruler of april fools day: HA! YOU FOOL!
me: you did get the news that I was going to talk with you right?
roafd: YA BUT YOUR STILL A FOOL! HAHAHAHAHAHOHOHEEHAHAAAA!
me: uuuuum

so that was an interview with the wellll....laughter guy of the world, hopefully nobody was hurt. that guy was.......

fooled.
dont 4get to leave your gullibility number on the comments!

THIS JOKE IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

a springtime special by the platypus

2007-04-02T12:40:00.000-06:00

welcome to the springtime special hosted by me, the platypus. remember that if you comment on this post you get a free pogo stick! okay, not really, but try and comment anyways. I will now interview, drumroll please, SPRING!
the platypus: so spring, how have people well, liked your warm sunny season?
spring: oh, fine.
the P: you seem depressed.
S: I am! I mean I've always wanted to be menecing and scary! oops did I spell that right?
the P: I don't know, I never did learn my spelling
S: as I was saying, I've always wanted to be scary and it seems that every other season has something like that.
the P: what about summer?
S: global warming
the P: fall?
S: nothing happens in fall.
the P: what about the leaf jumping?
S: what about after the leaves have turned all crunchy and brown?
the P: yah it is pretty ugly then
S: and we all know why winter is hated.
the P: but you know, winter has got christmas and sparkly snow! and summer has the hot weather!
S: sorry, not helping.
the P: you could just live up too your name and let fluffy bunnys rain down from the sky or something.
S: sure I could do that, and maybe I'll make rotten fish heads rain down too!
The P: maybe just the bunnys

so there you have it, why we have fluffy bunnys raining down from the heavens every week or so. now we will break for an ad.
WANT A PLATYPUS PLUSHIE? WELL WE GOT ONLY THE GREATEST BLUE HAND STITCHED GOLD LINED PLATYPUS PLUSHIES FOR SALE HERE! ALSO WITH IT YOU GET A FREE BOX OF PACKING PEANUTS! $1.00 for the plushie AND $85.00 FOR SHIPPING! SHARE THE LOVE!
and now back to our program
as you already know we have easter coming up and its time for springtime to make eggs fall from the sky! nobody really knows when, but whenever you go outside for the rest of springtime, have a umbrella handy and maybe a baseball mitt too.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS IMPROVED

the tale of sir platypuss in boots

2007-03-29T13:36:00.000-06:00

platypuss in hiking boots
platypuss was walking along in his hiking boots that day and enjoying the spring air, suddenly he heard a strange noise he had never heard before. he stopped to listen, and he then saw an amazing sight! it was a griffon high in the sky, the beast swooped down in front of platypuss and it looked as if it was going to eat him but he just gave a small egg shaped thing to him. then he just flew away without saying a word! platypuss looked at the egg thing and decided to keep it, then he marched down the hill to his town of pullplatylot. he noticed that there was trash everywhere and people were chanting for a clean-up of the city, platypuss went home and sent an E-mail to the king about the mess in the town. the king responded right away and declared that the people clean it up. the townspeople were in rage and went to the griffon's lair to get some answers from him, however the strangest thing happened, none of the people came back!
slowly, slowly, the town was empty exept for the king and platypuss. platypuss decided to find out what was going on and go to the griffon's lair, he discovered that the griffon had been eating the townsfolk all that time! platypuss was enraged with hatred, he pulled out his sword and was about to cut of the griffons head when suddenly the beast started puking out the townspeople and then said, "they don't agree with me at all", then the townspeople went home and platypuss cleaned up the mess and was given the griffon to ride, and now it is not "platypuss in boots" but "Sir platypuss in boots" they end
THIS POST IS NOT PLATYPUS APPROVED BUT PLATYPUS IMPROVED

my art of doom 2 (please vote)

2007-03-28T14:26:00.000-06:00

The golden halo Snake bite!
Teepeezilla
have fun voting for your favorite one!
THESE PICTURES ARE PLATYPUS APPROVED

i have to wisper now

2007-03-28T12:39:00.000-06:00

welcome from your favorite egg-laying mammal. I am going to be fired for the rest of this post, my agent the platypus is going to write the rest of the post for me.
agchjhjschyskialetdvdhzxihudebfhshdhdgcgf.
sorry, I'm not that bad at writing, I just noticed a snake coming to take over the keyboard and I went into panic! I mean, katie is NOT afraid of snakes, or spiders, or tarantulas-wait those are spiders too, anyway I really dont now what animal she's afraid of. maybe its just because she doesn't live in australia where 9 of the 10 most poisonous snakes live, lucky her. anyways my boss asked me to make sure people are putting there votes down for the pictures that I approved,(she asks me to approve everything, even her pigs and pies) we really need a vote people! if you dont put a vote down I will you a taste of poison stinger hiiyaa!
ghshfjtyskfbcjfhsjfyixhcdjvxghsdddfshfxhx. oops another snake again, those guys are a killer,
snake: hey don't mind us, just stopped in for lunch.
me: could you please get of my keyboard!
snakes son: daddy, can I please get a pet platypus?
snake: no!
snakes son: but...
snake: NO!!
snakes son: I'll....
snake: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
snakes son: ..........can I have a trampoline?
snake: actually maybe you could! I mean there so bouncy and fun!
me: hey! I don't mean to bust into a good family talk but I hear theres a good trampoline store right across the road!
snakes son: cool! lets go daddy! lets go!
snake: but what about lunch?
me: uuuuummmm................
*runs screaming in terror*

phew, after that narrow escape from those snakes I figured we might change the subject to something less violent. heres the subject. MUD no really, mud is a great thing in life, check out this:
Leech 1: hey dude! I just got the news that there's a new pig in the mud hole!
Leech 2: dude the pig was here three weeks ago!
L1: who cares when the pig got here we can have bacon and ham on supply every day now!
L2: we drink there blood birdbrain!
L1: oh.....
L2: besides, why can't you drink other pigs blood!
L1: uuuuh....
L2: thats right your just picky right?!
L1: no thats not it...
L2: then what is it?
L1: I hate being a leech.

and the moral of that story is that it sucks being a leech, simple truth right?
now we switch the subject again, this time to what those naughty little mice are doing and where the stuff you keep losing goes. today I will have a interview with a random mouse that has been suspected of thievery.
me: hello mouse how are you today?
mouse: I'm being stuck in a cage, hung upside-down, and treated to all sorts of torchure, so how do you think I am!!
me: odear, I'm sorry to hear you say this.
M: then why don't you get some ear plugs on and you wont have to!
me: no I'm fine, I just want to know what you did last night.
M: just like everyone else asked...
me: please, I just want an honest answer thats all.
M: alright! you asked for it! *breaks free and starts...
me: stooooop!!!!
M: please! your hurting my eardrums! jewelery falls out of pocket*
me: A THIEF!!!!

yes now we know where your stuff goes and what those cheeky(very cheeky)mice are doing,
anyways I came here to make sure your dropping votes for our pictures here and I'm sorry the that katie couldn't come tonight byby!!
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED (bie me)

TALK TO THE FLIPPER

2007-03-27T15:32:00.000-06:00

As you know, I'm horrible at comedy. I will do biography now:
I was born into this world(not from an alien universe)at the age of zero.
I was born without any clothes on at the time, and no money came out with me.
starting from the age of three, many strange things happened in my life:
1. I was potty trained(hey its pretty strange)
2. I learned to read(also a very strange thing you have to learn)
3. I went to kindergarten(a very long time ago)
4. I learned to write
5. I met a platypus(okay not really but I did learn there was a platypus out there)
6. I decided to do a blog(a very cool thing)
7. I was attacked by rabid weasels
8. I PLATYPUS APPROVED every post after the weasel attack
9. I laughed at squrriels for no reason
10. I made this post.

well thats really all that happened in the past years(and minutes)but it really is a strange life I'm living here. well I have to go now and get my revenge on those weasels. byby
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

2007-03-26T19:35:00.000-06:00

IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PLATYPUS:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL POSTS, COMMENTS, AND IMPORTANT MESSAGES LIKE THIS ONE ARE NOW GOING TO BE PLATYPUS APPROVED FOR SOME NON-APPARENT REASONS. THE LOGO OF TEAM PLATYPUS INC. LOOKS LIKE A RED LINED PLATYPUS LYING ON TOP OF A RED CIRCLE, WE CANNOT SHOW THE LOGO FOR SOME NON-APPARENT REASONS.

2007-03-26T17:31:00.000-06:00

in this post we will learn about sea creatures and you will vote for the coolest one.
1. the shark, most sharks are known to be, killing machines. sharp teeth and fins, this fish is made to eat.
2. the dolphin, smart, cute, and fast. these sea-going mammals are hot in the storybook world.
3. the turtle, born buried in the sand, baby turtles drag themselves to sea and many never come back to land.
4. the crab, moving sideways along the ocean floor, WILL PINCH FINGER IF TOUCHED!
5. the whale, a huge monster of a beast, swims around eating krill, it comes to the surface and blows water out of its air hole, blowing a rowboat upside-down and letting contestent number one eat the occupants! harmless indeed.
6. the sea monster, striking fear into everyones hearts and minds, this one could eat a shark in one bite!

have a good time voting and try and stay away fom one and six!!
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

try and figure out what I just said.

2007-03-21T15:41:00.000-06:00

eclmowe lal, ni hsit otsp ew ilwl lkat otuba teorts nda knskus. hyte ohtb rea atrp fo het elawse almify, hihcw cliunesd owlevrnies nda efrtres nda agdresb. knskuss rea nnkow ofr eignb tnkisy,
ihlew teorts rea ucet nda yhper nda olve weatr.

imte ot rpod no het olofr

upzlezs oto igfure tuo.

orme otsps nomicg oson!

( anagrams are hard, grab a piece of paper now!)

eliv em! muahahahahahahahahahaaa!
IHST OTSPS SI APLYSUPT RAVDEPOP

spring has sprung in happiness and joy

2007-03-20T14:46:00.000-06:00

welcome and happy spring. as it is the first day of spring, we will talk about what to do in these warm months(unless you live in antarctica).

1. jump on a trampoline, its a great form of exercise and its so fun!
2. dance to polka music, also great exercise for you.
3. sniff flowers, only your nose knows.
4. ride a pogo stick.
5. drink a slushie, but drink slowly or else get brain freeze!
6. take a walk in the park(but not jurassic park)
7. plant flowers in your backyard and smell them(see number 3.)
8. frolic
9. make a bird feeder
10. hug your siblings

there, we have the top ten things to do in spring, go on and do these wonderful things and have the happiest spring ever! wait a minute theres more, the pictures below this post are competing for votes from you-YES YOU-so will you please spare a vote for your favourite one?
byebye.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

My Art of Doom

2007-03-15T17:09:00.000-06:00

In the JungleBeanie Attack!!!! The Red Tunnel

THESE PICTURES ARE PLATYPUS APPROVED

pie

2007-03-14T13:50:00.000-06:00

in this post we will talk about pie in all the definitions of it, it being pie day at the moment I published this we shall start with the math equation, the equation of pie is to find the area of a circle. the second purpose for pie is the greek letter for P. now the third purpose for pie is to eat and have pie eating contests and there also to throw at people when times are rough.
thats all the time I have for now but have a good pie day and try to avoid getting hit by one.
THIS PIE IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

A normal day in flabbyland

2007-03-12T14:52:00.000-06:00

well I'm here talking about my day I had in flabbyland. in the morning I woke up on top of an elephant's head and went down to have my breakfast of shrunken apple heads and curdled milk.
when I was done I went on a airplane to burn down assorted citys and landed in spain to dress up in tight pants and run away screaming from a mad purple bull. then I went to the beach to relax and sip a hot cup of gravy when a kiwi walked by and asked where sackbagsville is, showed it to him. then I ran around on fire and killed gophers before I decided to dress up like a clown and sit on the sidewalk and laugh none stop for no reason. then I ran home and pretended to be a starfish in the frontyard.
in the afternoon I decided to wear a crocodile skin and a long pointy hat and chant strange songs in the backyard. then I went to get slurpees, after that I got to pedal the highway on a unicicle.
once I got to sackbagsville I started flopping to the library on my belly, then when I got to the library I picked out a book that said on the title "I'm a nerd" when I got out I wore a pig on my head and went around town buying food and ducks, however some other people were giving me weird looks and werent wearing any pigs on there heads well there simply missing out on the fun of having a little pink snorting thing on your melon and there totally in style for the season.

well thats all I guess and I'm sorry my day couldn't have been cooler and such but you cant change these things can you no you cant byby.
THIS PIG IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

2007-03-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

now in this post, we shall talk about animals, all sorts of animals.
we shall begin with my little budgies, nerd and lemon drop(you know the ones that have tape on there beaks at night), the 2 were busy chirping and squacking and I imagine that they were saying this:

nerd: hey chick look at my feathers!
lemon drop: yes they are very nice.
N: are you going anywhere tonight?
LD: maybe
N: wanna go to my cage?
LD: maybe
N: lets go then!
LD: sure

(skip to scene in nerds cage)

N: hey get away from my mirror!
LD: I'm not!
N: (starts talking to mirror)hello my pretty,
LD: you know that your talking to yourself right?
N: (flys into rage)does this mean I have to share my toys!?! how many kids are we going to have!?!
LD: easy on the millet boy!
N: who's going to do the cooking! who's going to do the cleaning!!
LD: we already have an owner to do that stuff!
N: well who else am I supposed to bite?
LD: I'd say we bite the owner.

and the moral of that story is that little pet birdies are not grateful for there owners at all, they treat us Like we're there slaves! all that work in caring for them and nothing in return. yet some pets will give you something besides bites on the finger, they will give us entertainment,
and no other pet will give so much of that then, ladys and gentlemen, the ferret!!!!
and to own a ferret you must go through this test:

1. you must be energetic and fun
2. you must be at home a lot
3. you must be able to tolerate not finding your socks all the time(ferrets love socks)
4. you must be able to tolerate there tricks and pranks
5. you got to give them lots of toys or else you will not be able to tolerate there tricks and pranks (see 4.)

if you are all of these, then you can go and get ready for your new pet ferret, if not, then we got another pet for you, its called the rock.
and yes, there some pets that would like to take over there owners homes and next the entire world muahhhahahaha evil iguanas! sure they look as harmless as well a pet rock but no they want to rule the entire world. also watch out for mice, they want to rule the iguanas after the iguanas rule us, they may be cute and fuzzy for now but watch out for them in the future when the iguanas are watching us. so yes, animals are evil and we should keep them happy or else they will destroy us, byby.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

a series of poems

2007-02-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

it has been a wonderful week and I shall now do poems:

bye, polar bear,
your emotions never fare,
now your going somewhere,
so bye, polar bear.

hiphip hurray!
the polar bears going away!
heading to the south today!
the bear is going away!

now the bears going away,
I really hope he enjoys his stay,
pack, pack your suitcase away,
now your going away.

row, row,
strawberries glow,
bunnies in the pool!
giant hotdogs, foking latdogs,hope you have fun!

bye, polar bear,
your emotions never fare,
now your going somewhere,
so bye, polar bear.

and yes, that was one poem, now we will see another:

roses are red,
voilets are blue,
some poems righm,
some dont.

and to wrap it all up we end this post with a classic nursery righm:

every time I come home,
the monkeys on the table,
cracking nuts and eating spice,
pop goes the weasel.
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

monster fan!!!!!!

2007-02-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

last night I had the strangest experiance, well I have 2 budgies at home and trust me they make it sound like a flock of budgies. I was fed up with all this noise and went to stop it, I got a huge, monster gigantic fan to put in my room and drown out the noise. that night I turned on the fan and snuggled into bed, but as soon as the fan was on, it started to suck things into it. my blanket went first and was shredded to bits, next my drawer opened and all my clothes came out and were shredded. as soon as I noticed I jumped out and turned the fan off. the next day I refunded the fan and used the money to by some new clothes and a blanket. and now I use tape to shut the beaks of those birdys. and we all lived happily after, even the birdys. the end
THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED

what the heck is platypi??

2007-02-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

welcome to my blogspot, now I'm sure you have all been wondering, WHAT THE HECK IS A PLATYPUS?!? I shall say this quick and simple and go look it up in the dictionary,
platypus: Small aquatic monotreme that resides in southern australia
plural names: platypuses, platypoda, platypus, platypi.

alright, now you now what a platypus is. but maybe we could go further into what a platypus is, its got brown fur, beavers tail, ducks bill, ducks feet, reptiles gait, and the males have a venomous spur on there hind foot. they eat aquatic life on the riverbed and can use electrolocation while hunting. that pretty much covers what a platypus is, i hope you enjoy a trip to australia.

EVEN THIS POST IS PLATYPUS APPROVED